June 10, 2014
Posted by on
The following ominous warnings came with a tool that I bought the other day. The bold face and capitalization are exactly as found in the instructions.
Always Wear Protective Clothing and Equipment. Do Not wear Loose Clothing or Jewelry. They can be caught in Moving Parts. Protective Gloves and Non-skid Footwear are recommended. Approved Guards and Protective Equipment , such as Impact Resistant Safety Glasses or Chemical Splash Goggles, Full Face Shield, Safety Shoes, Arm Guard and Apron Must be Used for Operator Protection. Wear Protective Hair Covering to contain Long Hair.
Use respirator. Always wear proper Face Mask to avoid inhalation of Fumes and Hazardous Gases.
Do Not operate when you are tired or under the influence of any medications.
Keep Visitors Away. All Visitors should be kept away from the Work Area.
What kind of dangerous tool did I buy? A grease gun. A common, ordinary lever action grease gun of the type that my Dad taught me to use sixty years ago. Who knew that a grease gun was so dangerous to life and limb?
There is a prequel to this story. I needed a grease gun for my new riding lawn mower. I first bought one of those mini grease guns that takes a mini grease cartridge. That was enough for all the greasing that I would ever need to do. I didn’t need a full size grease gun.
The first time I tried to use this little gun the barrel sprang loose from the head. I put it back together and tried to hold it so that wouldn’t happen again. The next time the flexible extension came loose from the end coupler.
By rights I should have taken the whole gooey mess back to the place where I bought it. But I didn’t want to handle it any more than necessary and I didn’t think they would appreciate it either. So I threw it all in a garbage bag destined for the dump.
Please don’t report me to the Sanitary Waste Disposal Police.